If you’ve been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, depression, or panic disorder, research shows you may have a higher risk of experiencing or creating an abusive relationship. The good news is that if you’re recovering from an abusive dynamic while managing a mental health condition, you’re not alone. Miramont Behavioral Health can provide supportive, evidence-based mental health services in Waukesha, WI.
We can also educate you on how to recognize signs of abuse, including manipulation and its many manifestations.
What Is Manipulation?
Manipulation is a pressure tactic that people often rely on when playing power games. According to WebMD, manipulators pressure people in both subtle and not-so-subtle ways to achieve something, usually professional or personal power. To successfully manipulate others, they typically need to be skilled at reading emotions, detecting your weak spots, and exploiting them.
Here are some common manipulation tactics that can negatively impact the mental health of anyone on the receiving end:
- Guilt-tripping: The manipulator makes themself your victim in some way, or weaponizes favors or kindnesses they’ve extended to you to make you feel like you owe them something.
- Sowing seeds of doubt: If the manipulator doesn’t want you to succeed or continue a certain behavior or action, they may repeat that you are ill-suited, incompetent, or otherwise incapable of doing it.
- Complaining: The manipulator throws adult tantrums or becomes visibly angry in front of others to push you into doing whatever they want.
- Comparing: The manipulator mentions others’ achievements or successes to highlight your shortcomings and demotivate you.
- Charming: The manipulator frequently compliments you or offers praise to trick you into trusting them or sharing information.
- Giving ultimatums: Manipulators may threaten to harm themselves, interfere with your home or work life, or take something from you to coerce you.
Of course, for these to be malicious manipulation tactics, the person carrying them out would probably have to do so habitually and with some degree of awareness. One-off instances of manipulation could be harmless at best and red flags at worst. However, there are signs that multiple manipulation tactics are compounding into psychological or emotional abuse.
When Manipulation Points Toward Abuse
This list from The National Domestic Violence Hotline isn’t exhaustive by any means, but it includes certain signals that indicate you may need to exit an abusive dynamic sooner rather than later:
- The person punishes you by withholding attention or affection.
- The person threatens suicide or other forms of violence during a conflict.
- The person lays compliments and gifts on thick but with an agenda, also known as love bombing.
- The person makes you question your reality and sanity by insisting that things that didn’t happen really did, or claiming that certain facts aren’t true. This is called gaslighting.
- The person uses manipulation tactics to control your time, actions, or decisions.
- The person deflects from their behaviors by citing their own mental health disorder, as if the condition forces them to behave this way.
- The person’s behavior actually causes or deepens your depression, insomnia, anxiety, or stress long-term.
There’s one last thing to cover here, and it can feel a lot more subtle—sometimes even imperceptible—to you, especially if you haven’t experienced the behavior before. It doesn’t always indicate abuse, but can accompany it. It’s called projection, and it’s psychological.
What Is Projection?
EBSCO, a research database provider, points out that projection is a defense mechanism. People who enjoy relatively stable mental health or have no manipulative agenda may still project, and that can look like them misinterpreting your actions based on their own fears, trauma, or feelings. However, both manipulators and non-manipulators may project when they need to distance themselves from uncomfortable feelings like guilt or anxiety after acting aggressively or inappropriately.
What might projection look like in an abusive dynamic?
- The manipulator accuses you of using manipulation tactics on them.
- The manipulator attacks your character with insults or accusations that could also clearly apply to them.
- If the projection becomes paranoid—and it can—the person may act impulsively, aggressively, or erratically with or around you. They may even suspect you and others of trying to harm them.
- The person suffers from narcissistic personality disorder, behavioral disorders, or another mental health condition, and they diagnose you with that illness to avoid taking accountability for their actions.
All of these behaviors can be extremely distressing and worsen mental health conditions that you may already be dealing with, like bipolar disorder, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. It’s wrong, and you can get support.
Miramont Can Help You Heal From an Abusive Relationship
If you feel you’re struggling to balance processing a past abusive dynamic with managing your mental health, contact us at our Waukesha and Middleton locations. We can help.
